I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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