Porn is love you can see.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
