I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
