Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
