My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
