Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
