My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
wow bdsm is so cute
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