This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
