I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He shit in the fireplace
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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