Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
