The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
