She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
