At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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