She is in my trunk
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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