He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
