i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
