You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
