Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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