it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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