@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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