Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
