my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize