yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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