OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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