I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
