im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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