I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize