i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
