We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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