is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
