I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
