she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
