apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
