I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
