Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
