I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
