as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize