am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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