yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
