apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
