so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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