How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
