ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
