I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
