Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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