I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
