I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
