There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize