i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
