I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
