I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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