I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
