I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
