Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
