I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize