Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
