kristin has been a bad kristin
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
