The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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