I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
