his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
