I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
