he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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