Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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