Just cropdusted the office
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
