it was like his penis was on wheels.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Alive.
So much puke
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize