Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
time to smoke my breakfast
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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