When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
