what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
