You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
