I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
