Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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