this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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