Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
