i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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