Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
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