guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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