wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
