Fuck appropriateness.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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