HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
