I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
