my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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