You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
