Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
her vagine was all disorganized.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
