Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
jump out the window naked night went bad
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
