I just cut my nipple shaving
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
