she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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