Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
