No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
