I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize