Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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