I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize