My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
