covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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