the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
