the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
