can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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