I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
