Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
