Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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