What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize