your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize