I wish my penis had an off switch
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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