Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
