Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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