Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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