I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
